nessa

friendS.

2009-09-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

feels like im losing it again. friendS. i dont do talks much anymore, cant help attributing it to my leaving nursing. problem is, i didn leave nursing. i still am one no? remember, i said you people might walk out sooner or later? well, am hoping with all my soul that doesn come true.
yes, i am jealous.

i hear the vavavoom F1 engines all the way from the city right where im seated right now. fyi, i'm home.

2009-09-14T03:05:00.001-07:00

dinner. sunny side up. minced pork. stir fried prawns. ahhhahaha. oh, not forgetting my all time favourite, RICE! be proud of me, i cooked all that for my parents and myself just 30mins ago :D
okay, lame post but still, im updatinggg. this place needs a revamp but im uber please with tumblr right now i cant be bothered to find the time to search for a new skin.
i kiap-ed my index finger at the door while closing it. too dumb.

2009-07-31T12:19:00.000-07:00

not even 1week old and its back, seriously?

2009-07-27T10:26:00.000-07:00

Tuesday and thursday nights. 7 to 10pm. Pretty much what i look forward to each week. Transport fee is the only thing i pay for through the card. How cool. Not a single cent spent. Its just been a month. Do not judge me.

Anyhows, dreams are getting the better of me. So much haunting going on. You both ought to get out of my life already.

2009-07-10T09:45:00.000-07:00

i got bored and signed up for a tumblr. it has the simplest layout ever. if only things were that simple no?

2009-06-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

its cloudy.
im cloudy.
and,
the only reason why i do it ten thousand times is because nothing's clearing up.
grant me my bubbled numerical wish.

2009-06-17T07:50:00.000-07:00

driving sucks.
work gives me anxiety attacks.
i miss my brothers.
too far away.

2009-06-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

call out my name.
walk your shoes.
say hi.

vanessa.

2009-06-03T23:49:00.000-07:00

you. i dream about having milkshakes with you almost everyday.

you. you're one of my closest person but sometimes, i second guess our friendship. sometimes, you just dont care.

you. soon you'll be away. for a good period of time, very long. and i cant help but feel threatened because what if it happens again. what if this is lost. i dont think i can handle another episode of friends walking out.

you. im trying my bestest to get back to where it was before but nothing seems to be working. if only i could turn back time i would never have raised my voice or reprimanded you for what you did. then maybe, i could still hear another word of sister.

i've applied for school and the agency. because she claims one yr is pretty much equivalent to nothing, clinics' are about the only option. im afraid and literally overflowing with anxiety. so much so im contemplating on backing out and feeling so much regret that i even left. regret is supposed to stop, it is not allowed to resurface. this makes two commitments, and i have two more to add. people make mistakes and they try to make it right. mine's turning wrong. i need the pennies and nickles.
brothers are going to be away for 3weeks, this will be the longest i wont be seeing them and i dont like it.

crying makes me tired, so i cried myself to sleep last night. at times, its remedy.

2009-05-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

i dreamt.

2009-05-23T00:17:00.000-07:00

worst test ever. i hate such tests. its when stuttering comes into play and things end in ruins. however, thanks for the strong stand that was built, ruins did not apply to me. once is really enough, not ever should such tests happen again.

list the words that start with D. im 'D', reluctantly admitting to it that is.

2009-05-19T10:47:00.000-07:00

last night, this morning, this afternoon, now.
either work out or die out.

2009-05-16T22:32:00.000-07:00

i dont remember what you look like anymore.

and you, my false friend. true indeed.

2009-05-14T21:21:00.000-07:00

so its ended. the resus was probably the gift to me from the ward because im always so afraid of one. closure it seems, haha. ended with a good discharge as well with the patient thanking us profusely. these words of thanks are what really makes you feel you didn work for nothing no? as much as the blue was being typical, im really appreciative of what the whites had done. no doubt, i'll miss everyone. in fact, i already have started missing some of them.

as i was just preparing my agenda for today, a SLIGHT pinch of regret came over me. i thought, maybe i should have went with the plan of squeezing time against time. that way, i need not hafta worry about the financial aspects and still have my whites with me. however, okayyyy, its over. aint regreting ever and am just going to try do my best in this right now.

you know, when it skips a beat.

2009-05-07T05:55:00.000-07:00

I am going bonkers with this overflowing anxiety.

2009-05-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

this problem with oversensitivity.

2009-04-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

family comes first you bitch.
and work does not come into my top three.
because, i dont love this anymore.

2009-04-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

my last of night duty ended on a pretty good note. time's passing pretty fast, some few weeks till i cant shout down the corridor 'sheela shuks!', 'siti aisyah!', the many 'kaks' and etc anymore. thats one thing i'll definitely miss, also the daily routine i've come to get so used to, the seconds and minutes we spend waiting for a fellow party/parties to have break together with. SIGH indeed. but, dont it wrong, im not regretting my decision. im just feeling what anyone who has had a good happy working experience would, wouldn you?
count down with me!

i ought to get my cxr done soon, have to eliminate this TB thought asap. i cant handle the need to take medication for 6months if my suspicions were proved correct. i do not even comply to a normal dose of abx which lasts a week, what's 6mths?! its insane.

bruddie and myself, its not the same anymore.

2009-04-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

21st.
one by the 21st.
attention is good.
getting shaken is wrong.
not shaken, not yet, wont ever be.

are you deep enough?

2009-04-12T04:23:00.000-07:00

too fast to even grasp and get a taste of it, leave has ended and shift comes back tmr. feeling loads of dread in me right now. unexplainable what exactly it is about, not a good feeling is all i know. im a good luck charm, i believe work will be smooth when i get back. i believe.

2009-04-05T22:59:00.000-07:00

i dont do wors. what's wor? its wrong.

2009-03-29T07:58:00.000-07:00

its different how lonely feels these days.

2009-03-20T06:19:00.000-07:00

its closing near and im so afraid imma have to do it alone. alone, it was never in my plan. i always make plans but i dont ever abide by its rules except for this one. this plan, im determined to stick by it. never mind bonus, tempting but being free from this is way better. alone or not, i've decided.

2009-03-12T02:37:00.000-07:00

passive's the word to use. because i am.

2009-03-05T05:30:00.000-08:00

i have probably caused a possible strain between my brother and myself. i cant turn back time. i cant pretend i was totally fine with the mistake he made. i cant pretend nothing ever happened. fact is, it did. hopefully, it was the first and last. maybe i was never really the loving caring sister. not enough.

2009-03-02T10:34:00.001-08:00

highlight of the day, sn woo!

this is

2009-02-28T21:13:00.000-08:00

physically and mentally unhealthy. coming in very clearly but ironically, i do like it. so, till next year it is. age is catching up.

one. two months.

2009-02-24T07:28:00.000-08:00

another round of night duty has passed and its my most exciting one thus far. add in the rush of adrenaline. encountered two deaths on my second night and you bet, my heart was beating too fast i could have used a dose of amiodarone. no doubt, we were in frantic but in whole, everything ended seemingly well. as said by nisa, the two deaths were our opening and closure of that night. such luck huh. and i blame it all on myself forgetting to spray holy water before i left for work. believe me, holy water and a prayer before setting for work works wonders. it may just be a coincidence but seriously, get in my shoes of nursing and you'll totally understand and agree with me.

one month.
two months.
are you counting down with me?

2009-02-14T07:12:00.000-08:00

if only i could steal it and never give it back.

2009-02-05T08:43:00.000-08:00

who and what we prefer, different. likes and dislikes, similar and different on various notes but close knitted anyhow.

i passed. yeeeeeehaaaaaa!

2009-01-27T05:53:00.001-08:00

envious.
but, just not me.

2009-01-12T06:36:00.000-08:00

i'm excited. very excited :D

day offs, grey's and sleep are currently my interests and is what will me help through till THE DAY. i am exciteddd.

2008-12-17T09:49:00.000-08:00

and the world's no.1 procrastinator reigns.

i'm stuck in a time zone of my own. it sucks. what happened to the way things were before you left, before the official whites, before things became such a cycle. before, now. with how i am this very moment, i can only hope i'm strong enough to pull through my plan to step into a new circle. much less, finish whatever's left hanging.

get over it nessa.

2008-12-07T07:37:00.000-08:00

not yet mine to own.

2008-12-01T07:18:00.000-08:00

worst round of night shift ever.

2008-11-24T06:19:00.000-08:00

Alrighty, time for some update.
Two weeks of annual leave started and it ends today. Back to work tomorrow of which I so dread. What’s worst, im on the morning shift which obviously means I have to be up early, very early while most of the 20s are still quite tucked under their comfy sheets.

Had a short trip to shanghai with angelyn which went just fine. Nice weather, food which was okay but bad shopping. I literally came home with nothing except for a few fake dvds. If I had known there was nothing at all, I’d have bought most of the series sold there. Given that its china, I must say the dvds are not giving me any problems just yet. oh right, i dislike their traffic conditions, it was chaotic. could never live in sucha place really.
And they have starbucks right across the street from our hotel, woohoo! Thank goodness for starbucks, it kept me homely. Homely, haaa! You don’t have to understand that, just for me to know. And the highlight? Haa! My autumn leaves. i could find them everywhere, each street, along pathways. Too bad, my autumn talk didnt quite get through. Had our figurines made, didn quite look like ourselves but well, at least something I could bring home. All in all, I enjoyed the weather most , it was like natural aircon.

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the bund, with the oriental pearl tower across.

dont know what its called, seen it on tv and all so we thought to give it a try. for you if you've got uber sweet t00th.

good place to get emo, haa.

under my autumn tree!

and angelyn goes, 'wassup dude!'. -

would like to update more on other occasions but having to wait for the pics to upload is eating into my patience. another time, maybe.

2008-11-05T08:39:00.000-08:00

too much. i have no time to even lend a second of my lifetime for this. all focus has to be paid to my crisis. you know, my crisis. i am in a huge crisis. whoever said this is worth my time, this is not even worth a penny.

because, i think too much, i feel too much, just too much.

2008-10-31T10:12:00.000-07:00

squareee. too square.

november

2008-10-27T07:39:00.000-07:00

night shift? its OVERRR. second night was somewhat freaky but other than that all went well. aside from certain happenings i'll leave for tmr to verbally narrate to fellow parties that is. met angelyn from breakfast this morning after ending report and i slept through till 2hrs ago. but i am still so beattt. with conjunctivitis hitting me again, i am so tempted to take mc tmr. wouldnt you?!

just before night started, i met up with dear dopes for some brow shaping. had this list of things to get too but obviously, nothing was done. lack of time! we need a full day like before, where we went for sprees and headed home with bags of buys. those were the days. but, without a doubt, we still had our dose of caffaine at starbucks :D

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november's drawing near. you know what it means?

2008-10-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

mission to introduce new elements into my square box was somewhat accomplished today. thoughtfully accompanied by dirty. tks dear. the dozen questions tt came up got me dumbfounded. i could barely answer half of them. but! it comes with practise, right? sourcing new grounds, spicy indeed.

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my bedroom needs spring cleaning desperately!

again. all because of me.

2008-10-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

connections getting thinner by the day than thicker and deeper. or could it be my mind whirling and doing its usual dose of exercise. i cant comprehend which. and, i plead guilty. i plead guilty for having been green with envy. maybe with a tinge of jealousy too. these days, ive only myself to blame for whats become of everything. you know how everyone goes if only? yes, the if only's'.
world's no.1 procrastinator.

2008-10-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

impulse got the better of me. i need therapy!

im losing hair, SIGH. a trim shld probably do the trick, you think? and if it doesnt, im going to have to turn to yunnam hair careee =/

sadly, as said, the second coming.. signs arising one by one. slowly but surely.

changes.

2008-10-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

work has been so tiresome of late. all mood and drive to report to ward has run so dry, at times i feel i cant pull off till as planned. pretty please shower me with passion for this job of mine!
a last minute change of shift for tmr means i have to wake up at 5am, report to work, check the cd cupboard, charge patients for more bonus, take report, serve medication and start changes. changes. one too many changes. 11pm now and know what's the wisest thing to do right now? head to bed. risking cab fare is definitely a big no.

2008-10-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

tsk tsk tsk. you want this, and you want that. clone me!

once more, i read the wrong signs. and like always, i'll get over it.
one month more or so before leave begins. in order for it to be fruitful and enjoyable, i shall patiently await its coming. i am patient.

bluff-er!!

nostalgia and yearn

2008-09-18T11:15:00.000-07:00

ang ku kueh. thats me. dont peel on me please. i begggg you.

who doesnt? i want and need one! at the rate im going, i might just develop some psychiatric disorder.

two's the word.

2008-09-05T09:48:00.000-07:00

i officially declare myself a permanent resident of team2 as of today. and im totally fine with it despite the level of stress one can get into at times. alright, some rest away from team2 would be good on certain days of course but i definitely prefer it way more than the other team. night shift's coming in two weeks, weekend again this time and once more it'll be burned. well! i do shifts, thats my job.

im totally impatiently awaiting 10th 11th 12th, ahhh! i know you cant too, muahaha. how you have your ways of escapade, this is mine at the moment.

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nostalgia hit me once again. true enough, this takes time.

2008-08-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

yet again, my ducts flowed.
i hope i'll last till as planned.

living life.

2008-08-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

so, plans to soak in the sun yesterday was ruined by a very cloudy sky but chewie and i decided to go ahead and meet all the same. had our dose of mmm-hmmm tomyum at harbour front for lunch! its been ages since we last had it together :D headed on to vivocity after that to window shop. haa! my self-control failed on me, bought myself a pair of shoes. just ONE pair though, could hav gotten two so i aint tt bad alright.

godiva's chocolate decadence. hur hur, i couldn resist! :D oh oh oh! chewie and i are such sinners really, indulged in canele's choc macaron too! just lookkk at it... YUMS no?! all dopes' fault for introducing, now, only canele's macarons fits our taste buds. but thanks for sharing dear haha.

decided on popeye's for dinner at the sg flyer and onward we headed. their mash is the best! sat along the river bank after dinner and chatted till forever. everything under the sun, no no, everything under the moon HAA. superbly relaxing really, a half-half nice scenery plus cool wind blowing is woohoo.

and as we headed back towards city hall station, the walk way under the esplanade was decorated with this theme of rainbow art works. so, no doubt we had to take a shot or many shots with them.

had a fantabulourstime! i love my partner! ;)

ghostly sightings, no!

2008-08-18T23:00:00.000-07:00

night shift's over, woohoo! it didn turn out as bad as i perceived after all. but! it might just be because i was lucky to have a shorter list of ivs and ecgs to do. nonetheless, i still am glad its over. thankies to angelyn who visited me on my first night, needed that short company much. time away from work the next two days =]! gonna soak in the sun and enjoy delicious dim sum, mmm hmm!

2008-08-14T23:44:00.000-07:00

superbly annoyed with the wireless connection right now, it just doesn work on youtube. of all times, why tonight! just when i planned to burn the oil, hmpf.

anyhows, i cant wait for a getaway. this is one rare time i would love for time to just escalate and pass with just a snap!

im only turning 20.

2008-08-12T16:44:00.000-07:00

negligence on my part. was so shaken with fear that tears started flowing, embarrassing it was but it wasn something i could not control with what took place. i pray hard nothing bad happens. a black mark in my future is what i can foresee shld anything at all arise. its probably true after all that i aint fit to do this. sigh, i prefer studying so much more.

2008-07-31T10:16:00.000-07:00

Oversensitivity totally riding over all emotions.

DIRTY'S HEREEEEEEEEEE

2008-07-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

Team 2, no doubt the busiest team but good working partners definitely facilitate the working process. Off day’s tmr, woohoo!

Dirty came over after school this aftn having in mind to get back her clothes BUT its still here. Such superb memories we have really. Not one brain but two and it could still slip outta our minds. Chicken essence might do the trick! List of to dos was pointless, not one was carried out! If only I have some clone of myself, she’d be able to finish this task as planned. If only, if only.

Been reminiscing much of late. I miss our food excursions, trips to wherever for our so called missions, the superbly long late night chats over the phone, bake & cook sessions, etc. Situations changed wad I perceived to last much longer and admittedly, I was very much caught off guard. Awkwardness made its way in and things came to a halt. As much as this has been awhile and I might seem as if I’m holding on, brooding over wad has passed, I am not. Just purely missing wad was before. Right now, far and away you are, take care.

Incomplete emo letters.
Tasks untouched.
Pocket strapped tight.
Life as such of an asystole cardiac rhythm.

:)

2008-07-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

dope's 20th birthday celebration awhile back! we dined at carnivore, its not bad! if ur on a meaty feast, tts definitely a place to go, u'll enjoy the meats! mm hmm :D but! their iced tea costs a whooping 5bucks per glass, crazy huh. janis was being her usual self and said she could easily make it herself haha fyi, she ordered another glass thinking its free flow. totally duped. headed to the roof top aft tt and again i must say apologies for the somewhat sad 'cake' haha however, our trouble shooting skills aint tt bad cos it turned out quite creative okay. superbbb time anyways, just missing the presence of chewie! it sucks working shifts really, so difficult to have everyone be on the same shift on the same day. so, request away!

met chewie the next day for hers. i think i'll keep mumb about her age, in case she skins me alive the next time i see her. simple dinner and chilling at starbucks was it. i loveee to talk!

and so! the kc gang met up ytd for a bbq at ecp. alcohol was it. angelyn's a bitch, so much for announcing ' im an abstainer!'. poured her own cuppa vodka and went red. my arms r totally aching from fanning the charcoal, good toning exercise tho! big tomato small potato, good game!

the weather's so gross today, superbly warm. this reminds me of the weather in hk while i was there. natural air con, wahhh. anws! i had durians today and my fingers are stinking of durians right now. whuek.

working as a nurse, sigh. honestly, i can hav countless moments in me everyday where i love and hate it so much. i know, its rare for me to say i love it. very. but it does resurface now and then. currently, im still working towards making clear my choice. pretty pretty please may it be soon. getting old!
ok, ive read up on macau mate! still as clueless though =]

20

2008-07-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

closing to two months at work now and still adapting.
plans are stalled for the time being. till emotions are settled. frustrating how i thought i was so sure of my choice but not anymore. im apprehensive.

hello! life.

2008-06-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

ok, im back! apologies for the lack of updates, been superbly busy!

woke up at a some wee hour this morning feeling all bloated and nauseous. tried letting my stomack contents out but to no avail. so i went knocking on my mom's bedroom door looking for her, had some pills to take hoping the sickly symptoms would go away [sure felt like some small kid again]. still! to no avail. finally called up the ward and took a mc. must say it definitely feels weird taking mc. and we'er still under probation, any taking of mc or what nots like punctuality and all are taken into consideration on whether we get confirmed.
phew! sister fasela isn ard this week and i must say i like working this week. the stress level isn as high when she's not ard =/ of cos, standards cannot be compromised.

its been a month since we started working in the ward. to be honest, ive yet to get use to the ward routine. on many occasions, i feel like a lost sheep, endlessly having my heart pound rapidly against my chest. the amt of queries i hav has yet to be answered. im so intimidated by almost everyone in the ward! the senior staffs, their brains are like bullet trains moving at crazily high speeds equipped with so much knowledge. too much. knowledge of which i hope i will be able to reach at least half soon! i hope i adapt to the environment asap. woohoo.

putting work aside, the ward staff's been really nice. generally nice i mean haha. am glad for a certain few for their support at times when the stress level is just soaring high. the hang outs at hkcafe sure helped me let loose ;)! more to come.

one more thing! i hav yet to finish my competencies! shoots, its due this week and ive yet to finish one! not one at all :/ hafta try my best and finish them by tmr or so. hopefully with something nice to kick start my day :D hehheh, yups, my eye candy!
morning shift tmr followed by some catching up with dopes and chewie. time for bed!

overrrr.

2008-05-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

overdued pics!

i'll comment on work some time later. too much.

the social network.

2008-04-27T23:45:00.000-07:00

sadly, no one seems to stay. a problem of persona, luck or coincidence.

had a hearty meal with my family at akashi ytd. sushi cost quite abit but was mmmhmm! do hope my mum enjoyed it as it was a celebratory dinner for her 47th bday. time's passing so fast, my dad's into his 50s alr and my brothers' are 18 this yr! :O they definitely dont look or act like it i must say. to me, they're still my very childish twin bruddies! love them loads nonetheless despite their very occasional annoying acts. and myself turning 20? haha i dont even feel like a 19 yr old pls, so much for turning 20! sigh, i dont think i like feeding my own pocket.

im craving for katong laksa! with loadsa laksa leaf! :D

your plan, my journey.

2008-04-25T23:50:00.000-07:00

we drop our guard in our dream state, hence the release of emotions suppressed. Our brain, the most complex organ in our human anatomy.

passed the iv retest today, phewww!

it'll be here. fast.

2008-04-21T23:45:00.000-07:00

failed the iv test on friday.
mahjong on saturday for 9hours.
depressing sunday.

today marks the start of the second week of orientation. woke up at my usual time as of last week, bathed, pin my hair to a bun, changed, ate breakfast and i set out for the hosp. this routine will accompany me for as long as im still in this line of work. and i cant wait for it to all end. anw, the past week with angelyn and farhana has been great, endless gossips of almost every individual we come across. they never fail to amuse me and honestly, i've not laughed this much in a week for the longest time. my jaws ache and abdominal muscles hurt each time. shows how hilarious the jokes or gossips can be huh. and thanks to this, im able to tide through the utterly sleep inducing lectures and practicals.

kfc on wed.
mahjong on thurs.
things i find simple pleasures in =]

frog (cuz it's bad to swear LOL!)

2008-04-17T07:31:00.000-07:00

Gosh. Some individuals are assholes. gruesome nauseating sightings plus a chat I anticipated, only to hav it start in a way unforeseen. I don’t, I really don’t. fine, I did think not. but I guess subconsciously it hit on me. Not anymore. I’ll hav better grasp of myself soon.

So anyway,
i dislike everything im doing right now. These tests with crazy loads of notes are getting on my nerves. 30 damn mcqs coming from this fking thick stack of paper, what the hell. Been having a lack of sleep since this whole thing started and its not helping. Attempted to read alil more but f la, no need. Why bother when i know the damn result I’ll get. No, not pass but fail. doubt I can even do this for as long as I planned. Orientation is enough, all these fkd up crap is taking a toll as early as a week! And whats the way to solve this? a resignation. It would definitely relieve me.

I cant open blogger on my lap top right now. and I know nuts on howta solve it. So, dirty helped post this entry. Tks darling.

s e n t o s a

2008-04-11T01:15:00.000-07:00

went on an excursion to sentosa with dirty on tuesday! superbly sunny one moment and raining cats and dogs another. but! i had a superb time with her. she has alr blogged abt it anws, and im far too lazy to recite it again :) so i shall just post a few photos from the many many many photos we took.

so today, i headed to gladys' for mj again. and sadly, i lost like crazy. im superbly beat from the concentration i was giving to those tiles, of which were not bringing me any luck! or its prolly the pimple on my forehead tt was in the way! awating the next session very much(:

oh my, how could i forget smth this impt. im sure if u know me, u'd hav notice my square face or been one of my many victims whom i whine at abt my square face. guess wad? during my visit to the doc this morn, he said it can be fixed WAHA. and tt its not the bones but muscles at the jaw. saw the before and after photos of his many patients and must say im very very tempted! but its costly and aint permanent. needs follow up treatments and with the state im in atm, not very possible. but! i am considering to go with it, just a matter of when! so, do hope with me tt it'd be soon soon soon!

greedy, not!

:)!

2008-04-08T00:00:00.000-07:00

dinner with them after their first day of orientation!

janisss.

dopesss.

myself!

bkt as planned next time alrite?! do so wanna slurp the soup! oh my, misses alr.

headed to the hosp this morn for the collection of our uniforms. damn, i tried it on when i got home and shoots, its tight =/ dont rmb it being this tight when i fitted it the last time. far too lazy to do a change so i sure am hoping tt i'll lose weight whilst working! off the butt and tummy would be a woohoo :D

2008-04-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

To dream that you are swimming underwater, suggests that you are completely submerged in your own feelings. You are forcing yourself to deal with your emotional difficulties.

To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless.

To dream that you get wet from the rain, signifies that you will soon be cleansed from your troubles and problems. Rain also symbolizes renewal.

haha, thanks to a fren who brought the topic of dreams up a few days ago. i got myself addicted to interpreting my dreams again.

you came and went.

2008-04-04T22:40:00.000-07:00

this might take 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 months, probably as long as a few years but i'll get over it. no more harping on what i believed was true. after all, as the saying goes, life goes on. so, bye friend.

cry. my heart out.

2008-04-02T22:45:00.000-07:00

stayed over at angelyn's ytd. the last one at her current place as she's moving. too bad, flicker is in sucha flickering state i couldn help with the packing. her place, is junk, superbly untidy. percentage of space i get to walk on is roughly 10% out of a 100%, its this bad. anw, she pissed me off with some shit. and god knows wad else is wrong inside me, she triggered my tear ducts and i poured. twice. it was another nice night talk with her anws. all's fine now. sorta. met gladys again this aftn and caught up alil. tt nails place is cool, do so wanna try it one day.
messed up like crap. thanks.

le salon!

2008-04-01T02:20:00.000-07:00

happening day today :D met dopes and we headed for some, erm, advice? anws, due to a tight pocket we resisted cabbing to town despite the warm weather! could swear my armpits were perspiring like crazy. TSK. but tt aside! main thing is, i got my hair done by a damn * looking guy! hahahaha :D so, dopes and i hav decided we're heading back one day for some service and.. stalking? HAHA. fine not stalking but to hav a lookkk (: aft which, we rushed for a buy and den for dinner at cj. dopes has her cravings u see and its been superbly long since we had it tgt so why not! work starts in less than a week for her =/ i'll be there with u spiritually dopes, dont worry! and lastly, our usual hang out before home :) caffeine, nice comfy sofa seats was definitely a plus to our alr exciting day! im sure you agree :)

2008-03-30T01:55:00.000-07:00

"The purpose driven life" - Rick Warren
The importance of things can be measured by how much time we are willing to invest in them. The more time you give to something, the more you reveal its importance and value to you. If you want to know a person's priorities, just look at how they use their time.Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. Money can be made, but time cannot be made. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time IS your life, and that's why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.It is not enough just to say relationships are important, we must prove it by investing time in it. Words alone are worthless.The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

And I guess this kind of sums up how I feel about certain relationships. Time is the most important factor, not words. ALL relationships requires quality time to be put in, effort to contact the other party/parties when the others do not contact you and as the saying goes, all relationships requires 2 hands to clap. Cherrios. :)

By: A friend of the owner

devoured

2008-03-29T23:30:00.000-07:00

ohsoboringsaturday.

this deadly virus, its everywhere. in the wrong places and at the wrong times.

fucking virus.

2008-03-29T01:00:00.000-07:00

oh my god. damn this virus. most i know seem to hav their lappies or coms back to normal, but not mine. my status bar disappears, youtube videos cant be played and everything just lags. in desperate need of help, do YOU know howta fix this? ive this sneaky feeling tt the lappie's gonna crash in a matter of time. so this crazy amt of photos and anything else i hav saved in here needs to get transfered out before it enters hell's gate but! there's nowhere to. the other lappie which is newer is dead, the screen cracked. YAY. i am very very very upset and can possibly get into a cardiac arrest right now. ARGH.

decided ytd tt i aint spending till i recover my losses. hence, its gonna be a rather long period of time of watching ppl spend money. its nice to watch anws, makes me happy when i see ppl buy things. of cos, not happy for the money spent but for the fact tt they're buying smth they wan and like. so, i met up with dirty today. i did good my job in watching her spend definitely, almost half ur allowance huh? :) more of such outings where u spend and i watch! in fact, this applies to whoever i meet.

i'll be anticipating this exhilaration the day we cross.

meteorite?

2008-03-28T02:30:00.000-07:00

it definitely leaped a beat at tt moment. too bad, not in a million years will anything change.

we were doing our math just now. must say, we ace in math. the numbers are looking good anws, dont exactly need a reverse calculation.

intended to post this entry with loads to say. changed my mind!

genes.

2008-03-28T01:30:00.000-07:00

:D
secret!

a meet up with lesspinies today. i loveee the shots. and take care on ur trips u two, come back safely!

well i guess there're certain things we cant change. alil disappointing but i'll get over it. i always do.

countdown!

2008-03-25T00:50:00.000-07:00

finally met up with gladys this aftn. plus leah and angelyn of cos. ate, walked and ate. enough to get me feeling tired tho. cant emphasize enough how cute leah is. awaiting the zoo :)!

counting down :D made up my mind. lets hope nothing comes in to change it anytime soon.

PIG

2008-03-22T23:30:00.000-07:00

trying too hard? increased sensitivity? maybe.
if it suits u fine.
right back to bed now.
i am a pig.

no chocolate?! NO!

2008-03-22T03:20:00.000-07:00

still in my spending mood. still am!
3 weeks more. oh my, there goes time with my comfy bed. hav i ever posted anything abt my room being infested with ants? well, it is. one night, i found crazy ants in my wardrobe and it was like a death sentence to me. almost shifted to my bruddies' room but my dad sorta settled it. death for those ants argh. mean me experimented on some body spray on them the next day, worked somehow. still see a few here and there but definitely way better than e crazy amt tt night. oughta get to clearing out all the crap ive got stashed everywhere but haiya, u know me.

the thought of not being able to hav my ice choc from spinelli's again is depressing. ive had it twice this week, and it gives me the runs each time =/ coincidence, milk, cocoa powder? ahhh. must be coincidence! HAS to be.

thanks to boobie and dopes going on abt searching for their new phones, ive found one too. shoots LA. this is sooo not the right time! there's too much to pay for at the moment, doubt i'd hav enough funds for a new phone =/

=/

2008-03-20T23:50:00.000-07:00

so, mom is doing fine i think. not tt the pain has eased but soon hopefully. report had better be sightly =/.

hopes of a beach night out got dashed by the ohsowoohoo weather. thanks ar. anws, a few movies and nice mac's breakfast was how our night/morn went. and home we went. right, on the way to the taxi stand, i fking got splashed with water by a stupid bus. no, not till my knee or waist, it was up till my mouth. i wanted to kill someone.
caught two hours of slp and i headed out to snb. eventful day indeed. and fate's not on my side just when i wan it to be. im hoping for smth bigger now :D not the first but i bet mine's cooler WAHAHA.

=/

2008-03-18T01:15:00.000-07:00

gosh. stop!

there he goes.

c.a.n.n.o.t

2008-03-16T00:30:00.000-07:00

so! boobsie came over today. smth to be happy abt cos ive company. but! she came not to find me but for soup. how disappointing. it was mad slacking followed by hilarious suju. underwater exchange of air. it actually works!
how she reacted to my alternative was alil disappointing tho. guess each one of you hav a different view on this. putting them together, i realised the difference between u guys haha. never mind tt, ive got some time to figure this all out. definitely dont wan another impulse act.

this cant do. its wrong. not allowed! and, if one word answers is your do, im sorry, my cuppa tea aint yours to fill.

money!

2008-03-15T02:30:00.000-07:00

how others take years to get over their issues, i might take as long too. maybe denial of wads reality, but i'll wake soon.

if i can correct this like how i did before. absolutely! but if one foot in the river is wads to be, maybe this never weighed identically. to you and me.

savings scheme coming right up!

ache.

2008-03-14T00:15:00.000-07:00

met dirty today for an intended movie and kbox. of which the movie was cancelled due to lack of time and money haha. i know, why kbox. well, i wanted to sing one song tts why :) but! i sang my money's worth with a couple more songs. i bought gummie bears and glow in the dark stars. this in addition to singing cheered me up quite abit. enough to hav me forget stuffs. i'll put my stars up before i head to bed later :)
had a dream yet again last night. hopefully, none tonight.

you hafta stop posting such entries. not tt this is your fault cos this isnt real. but its affecting me. still.

dreamless nights?

2008-03-13T00:34:00.000-07:00

haven had a dreamless night in long. would love one now. guess ive been repressing too much lately, tt they're being expressed through dreams.
weather's been super cooling and comfy. absolutely love it. best thing to do is sleep. for me tt is. oh plus, no dreams if possible.

my room's upside down once again. im too lazy to clean up.

result's out. i dislike wad i see. i wanna swear but i'll refrain.
swearing's not good and im trying to lessen the times i do. but fuck, not now.

2008-03-12T01:00:00.000-07:00

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Visual&PerformingArts

You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in the Visual or Performing Arts (e.g., Art, Art Education, Art History, Ceramics, Culinary Arts, Dance, Drawing, Fashion Design, Film, Graphic Design, Interior Design, Marketing (advertising), Music, Music Education, Music Theory, Painting, Photography, Theatre).

It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.

Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests.

Visual&PerformingArts

81%

Psychology/Sociology

75%

Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health

63%

HR/BusinessManagement

63%

Education/Counseling

63%

Mathematics/Statistics

56%

English/Journalism/Comm

50%

French/Spanish/OtherLanguage

50%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

50%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

50%

Accounting/Finance/Marketing

44%

Religion/Theology

44%

Physics/Engineering/Computer

38%

History/Anthropology/LiberalArts

38%

visual/performing arts. haha. of course, there's nursing listed at no.3. well, im starting work on the 14th of april. as a nurse tt is. i'll see how things go during this coming period of time, and maybe, just maybe i'll venture into smth else.

BACK!

2008-03-08T01:30:00.000-08:00

back!
loved it there, the weather was superb. no doubt it was cold but i enjoyed it much. ive thick skin ;) didnt hav enough time to check out everything but good enough! anw, im really way too lazy to be narrating the daily happenings, its not my thing. to sum it up, i had an amazing time. be it the weather, shopping, food and of course the company. i loved it. back again when we hav more cash? or maybe, somewhere further :D
gonna be catching them in a few days to get pics from their cameras. oh my, ive a food craving right now! up for it?!

you dont know how different things r right now. this is too shortlived for me to take. never before had such a situation crossed my mind. wadeva happened to before? you wanna know how much this is affecting me? its, THIS MUCH. disheartening huh.

that aside. met my soupy boober for dinner and movie this evening. the leap years :D not bad! the girls who laughed at my fav ought to be chased out of the theatre, argh. angelyn, relax on your plan alright? hav fun during ur bkk trip! hope it'll loosen u up a weeee bit at least ;)!

:) / :(

2008-03-01T19:45:00.000-08:00

so! its less than 12hrs to departure :)

dirty dropped by to aid me with the freaking luggage. not done but i'll get there. when chewie and janis arrive later, they'll help. they had a crazy idea to stayover at the airport till departure time. i objected. good thing i did as im not done.
my dad will arrive when i depart. this means, i wont be seeing him till i get back. its ok, time's passing so fast these days, i doubt it'll be as long as it seems.

replaying apologise on itunes. its crazy.
so i poured out to my certain individuals. there's no need for advices or comments sometimes, as long as im heard. i had both :)

i'llbeback!

stupidity!

2008-02-28T12:00:00.000-08:00

studied for 4hrs from 11pm last night, and fine as u may hav predicted, i failed. stupid shit. i was veryyy confident. eeeeeeeee. how is failing even possible.

alritey, met the lesspinnies on tues for bdays. it was another of my long day outs which left me with glee from superb company. very much looking forward to the wkend. counting down 3days :)

so i met dirty ytd with the intention to watch two movies. but who knew, we forgot we were supposed to catch movies. ended up roaming ard rather aimlessly other than nails and some last min errands i had to run. anw, tks darling for accg me this morn!

currently waiting for the arrival of my soupy boober and dirty :D

Ds.

2008-02-26T02:41:00.000-08:00

angelyn's a damn freakkk when she doesn get enough slp. u freakkk. get some cleansing HAHA. and stop pushing all tt shit to me. i will slappp u.
btw, she's my lazy fren. the fellow one who aces in slacking. we literally went from meeting up to go out to just meeting up at someone's place, more so of hers. but! dont doubt the degree of fun we hav ;)

pretty much packed this week. ineedtimealonedamnit. and time to get ready for next week. my list, is deemed useless as of NOW. oooh, im not happy at all.

anws.
D stands for deep :)
another point added to my invisible checklist. shld prolly hav it written huh. my memory's unpredictable, who knows, i'd forget D was ever listed down!

unleashed.

2008-02-24T01:00:00.000-08:00

just heard abt my moments last week. oh my, im sorry. definitely not on purpose! i'll try to hav better self-control the next time =/. and you, you needa be honest with me each time anything happens!

ok, i admit ive been alil crazy with regards to my behaviour recently. it'll pass, im serious.
i know, its absurd for it to even start. trying to find the causative factor right now, dont worry ;) maybe i alr know.

suan-ish-ly suan HAHA

2008-02-23T04:00:00.000-08:00

spent a pretty long day in town today. the incident at starbucks was hilarious, would love to hav it reenacted for another round of laughs. caught the mn show, jumper, with dopes. not bad! just lasted alil too short for the price we paid but fine! at least we/i had a pretty good time admiring hayden christensen.

think i need a change for a change. hmmm, make sense? ya, it does. changes of any sort would be good. just as long as things would stop being so sickly. my nerves cant take much more.

2008-02-21T23:00:00.000-08:00

so, its said tt north and south poles attract.
u think?

cant wait for tmr and im awfully exhausted.

:'D'

2008-02-21T14:30:00.000-08:00

in just a matter of 3 days, everything is settled. how fast can this get. to be honest, it caught me offguard. its not registering yet, i dont wan it to. prolly running away, denial. but let me live in my denial for alil while more if its ok.

admiration turning obsession. guess its because ive been yearning too much recently. it may not be wise but i hope this carries on and never stalls. till..

2008-02-20T02:28:00.000-08:00

did wad most ppl advised me to do this aftn. i'll patiently wait for news now.
be humble? give me a break. idonotneedyouradvice.

my fingers are itching so much. so many things i wanna get and do, shoots. now is the time i need the help of priority. oh priority.

anws, this song 'bicycle race' is freaking funny. and cute to me. prolly a long ago song, but im slow k. go search it up!

no touchy hanky panky. or, u die.

wad fun means.

2008-02-18T01:38:00.000-08:00

so i met chewie and janis ytd, played mahjong through the night at janis' place and i won some cash. not bad for a fairly new player dont u think. not once did i stop laughing if i didn rmb wrongly. seriously, her family's hilarious.

a last min meet up with dopes at suntec just a few hours ago. a very eventful one i must say. moral of tonight's episode :: do not park your car next to the lift if a late night's on schedule.

2008-02-15T18:00:00.000-08:00

my valentines on vday!

psiloveyou was not bad, would hav been better if it followed the book more but not bad nonetheless! went on alil hunt aft tt and yay, the company's down. so we headed for some drinks aft dinner, where we camwhored and so much chatting went on.

its prolly not as wide as any other individual's but definitely good enough for me.

prolly the crappiest aa fren i hav, but, i pardon her ;)

:D

2008-02-14T02:28:00.000-08:00

success :D!

skyping was so hilarious today. the signature words, they were too much to handle.

2008-02-11T02:46:00.000-08:00

i know, tell me u like wad tt tells u too, its over!

u see........ we were trying to take a jump shot but, failed.

a constant dose does wonders, believe me.

skype!

2008-02-06T00:45:00.000-08:00

HAHA skype?
is full of crap. cant wait for the next skyping session :D
enjoy ur trip winnie!

oh! its OVER! which means, im free for the rest of my life, till i get a job. definitely not wad i expected myself to be in, but i guess situations change. plus, i quite like it too. sorta.

best company.

2008-02-05T01:27:00.000-08:00

i had one of the longest chats on saturday. and i loved it.

tooliltoolate.

2008-01-26T23:50:00.000-08:00

people love messing up my life, that ive concluded. wads with coming in only after i make a decision, i cant swallow this whole high&low tide phase much further. too few opinions and we need more. too many opinions and we wished we never asked. thisaintselfpity.

descending graph.

2008-01-24T01:00:00.000-08:00

situations changing, so fast a pace my grasp almost got loose. to seize or not to seize. it's different and scarred.

sorry

2008-01-20T23:21:00.000-08:00

my apologies. this is not something i can control, yet.